People pleasing is a disease of wanting to make sure everyone is happy even when you yourself are not happy. It is characterized by excessiveness in anything , more like trying to buy love or likeability. People pleasing is putting everyone else needs before your own, this may seem ok to some extent but for people pleasers, they do it to a point whereby they are suffering on the inside even though they may not admit it. They feel the more they give their time, money, or by just being excessively good not wanting to offend anyone, the more they are loved or liked. They aim to make sure everyone is happy and well taken care of. For this reason, they end up been taken advantage of or even taken for granted.
People pleasers find it hard to say no, they believe in saying yes to anything and being there all the time for everyone. All this for fear of “what will they say if I say no”. They fear offending people who are most likely to be using them to achieve their own agendas. This fear makes them do things they sometimes come to regret later. They also make emotional decisions, still trying to please people only to regret later. People pleasers mostly struggle with self esteem issues. All the niceness is usually to mask this and also trying to prove themselves.
People pleasing should not be mistaken for kindness. Being kind is being kind, to everyone you meet, out of your own free will, without being coerced into it. People pleasers may be nice and kind but they always blow this out of proportion by their excessiveness. Their kindness is aimed at, “may be they will like or love me more if I do this”. Their kindness is not a true act of kindness, it is done expecting something in return.
We all have been people pleasers at some point lets admit it! I admit I have been there myself, especially in my younger years, but I know better now. Do you remember that time you did something hoping that people will love you back or talk good of you? this is people pleasing whichever way we want to look at it. We try to please people because we are trying to build our reputation. It’s more like trying to buy love. We want people to sing our praises, how great we are. While this may be the case, some people overdo things even to the expense of their own happiness. These are the real people pleasers. We can all be nice and kind to others without trying to overdo it or without expecting anything in return.
The problem we have today in the society is, love is based on what we do and as long as we do it. When we fail to do what is expected, love is withdrawn. True love is constant and not based on what we do or don’t, anything else is not love. People pleasers feel the need to always do something, always be there, always give their money or time to get this love. They feel they may not be loved if they fail to always be there for others. This is the reason why I believe people pleasing is a disease that we need to try and recover from.
People pleasing is such a terrible disease that can leave you drained physically and emotionally. You don’t have to always carry everyone’s burden on your shoulders, you will burn out if you try to do so. Yes, the Bible says we should carry each other’s burdens, but you have to know which burden to carry, not every burden. Some burdens are not actually burdens, a burden is something that is weighing someone down and you can also see when there is a real burden. Sometimes you have to learn to say no without feeling guilty or the need to explain yourself to anyone. You need to be kind to yourself too, because you matter too. Be nice and kind to people, but stop being a people pleaser.